zero_monster

Tomorrow appointment with SW Mdical for another Study, hoping for a good sum of money since it's going to involve and MRI and a blood test.

Steve I still need some info on how to send you your monies back D:
I dunno if you got my previous note.
You have paypal?

BTW, Commissions ARE open everyone, I'm just not doing over one character, I'm being perfectly honest, I just don't feel like it and I'm not gonna make you guys wait around until I do.


UHHHHH WHAT ELSE. I'm thinking of applying for SSI and getting a part time job.
I got MetroCare to print me out a letter with my Schizoaffective diagnosis and everything.
I just gotta go up to the Social Security office and have a confrence I think?
It's hard to get SSI, and I gotta fill out these forms every 3 months to stay on, I know because my mom has to for my brothers to get SSI for autism, but it's definitely worth it.

I need a job anywayyyyy to have a steady source of income and whatnot. But until then... PLEASE
If you wanna commission me, I'm open. Just the single character thing, unless it's a hips-up or less, I can do that no prob.

Ahahah. So itchy from this hydrocodone I've been taking for a few days.
Before you start flipping out, don't.

I have severe arthritis throughout my entire body, I'm not taking it for fun, I'm taking it so I can almost feel normal again :C

It really sucks I'm in constant pain and I don't feel like doing anything without pain meds and I'm not even prescibed any because everytime I went to see my doctor, my mom would avoid letting me get anything that could be habit forming including anything for my anxiety and insomnia. I'm surprised she left me take sudafed when I was still living with her.
Needless to say, none of the things prescibed to me actually worked, especially the meds for arthritis, especially Celebrex which made my stomach BLEED,
If you know someone taking that medicine or thinking about it, please! You can die from taking that for only a short while due to bleeding ulcers, and it doesn't even do anything that beneficial. You can take Naproxen and have about the same effects anti-inflammatory effects. I'm not saying Naproxen is any better at it's job, but at least it won't hurt you.


I'm not sure what is causing my arthritis, for all I know, it might just be degenrative arthritis alone.
I've been tested for RA which thankfully I don't have, and Lyme Disease which came back negative, although there's always that possiblity, if you know how it works, that it maybe be a false negative.
I was always hoping(i know, I shouldn't be hoping I have a disease, right) that it was Lyme's Disease because at least there would be a reason for having all these diverse symtoms.

Its been raining the past few days and I thankfully have these pills my GF's sister gave me. I'm pretty fortunate because I usually wanna lay down all day.

I wanna go see my doctor but I gotta wait until I get paid on the 15th, and then put my money in the bank OH YEAH I just remembered!
My bank fined me $30.00 over $0.12 this time, when it was supposed to have my money in Paypal TWO days before, not only that, I had made a payment using credit via my paypal, so it shouldn't have taken it out that day to begin with, AND I'm SUSPICIOUSLY MISSING a $20.00 dollar bill OUT OF MY WALLET. So pretty much $50.00 down the fucking drain. I could've been seen by my doctor with that already.
I had to send the $40.00 I had put in my Paypal for leisure and send it straight back to my bank account lol. That'll teach me to have money aside for clothes!

Here's some random things I'm thinking:
- I wonder when the animal shelter place is going to pick up donations because I have clothes and stuff to donate
- I should be drawing right now.
- I'm waiting for someone to post on the Hangarmageddon Oekaki Board so I can draw something so I won't be spamming, lol.
- I'm waiting for me and Heather's shirts to come in the mail, I usually don't splurge, but they were 18.98 WITH TAXES AND SHIPPING for 3 shirts. ;0;<3 I got me the clearance Heartless and Mushroomhead shirts, and Heather the new foil Kingdom Hearts shirt when Hot Topic was having the BOGO sale.
- I type JUST like I talk in real life minus smilies and acronyms(that'd be weird), which explains the ADD-like flow of this jounal.
- I have typed too much alreay no one will read this lol.

❶ Open your music library.
❷ Set it to shuffle.
❸ Pick a random song, then click next.
❹ Every song after that must be plugged into the labels below.
❺ Try not to cheat; it really does work out for the best!
❻ Feel free to tag anyone else; I've decided not to, but if you comment, I'll make sure to check your meme status!

I just used my last.fm player =] links are to the Last.fm band/track pages so you can listen too.

Opening Credits:
KoЯn – Freak On A Leash (Dante Ross Mix)

Waking Up:
Marilyn Manson – Disassociative

First Day At School:
DMX – Ruff Ryders Anthem
OMGLOLXD

Falling In Love:
The Faint – Symptom Finger

Fight Song:
Fantômas – Spider Baby

Breaking Up:
Mushroomhead – Nowhere to Go

Going Out:
Soundgarden – Superunknown
lol

Prom:
Isis – Maritime (Mike Patton)

Life:
Soul Coughing – Circles
This one is actually VERY fitting =]

Mental Breakdown:
The Dillinger Escape Plan – When Good Dogs Do Bad Things
YES "Run away, run away, run away, run away, mercy killing on the way, never thought I'd hear you say: Fall onto your knees and pray, now!"

Driving:
Mondo Cane – Ti offro da bere
Oh no, I'm going to get a DUI

Flashback:
UNKLE – Rabbit In Your Headlights
That is so perfect ;0;

Getting Back Together:
David Bowie – Let's Dance
0_o

Wedding:
Kottonmouth Kings – Bump
haha what?

Birth of Child:
Tim Hecker – Acéphale

Final Battle:
Evil Nine – Luke Goss

Death Scene:
Black Label Society – Stillborn

Funeral Song:
Archie Eversole – We Ready
LMAO. They must have a flashback scene during the funeral where I pop a cap in their ass.

Remembrance Song: 
Gary Numan – Listen to My Voice
God, I must really hate this person, WTF.

End Credits:
Babylon Zoo – Zodiac Sign



Wow. Most of those were actually fitting, It usually picks to most unrelated-themed song possible.

Hallow [c] doomsgrin @ FA
Wiseman [c] me

Wiseman and Hallow's ugly baby with raptor feet [c] Zer

At first doomsgrin had shown me this:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2756362/

I thought the arm stripes and hair were a bit similar to Wiseman's to begin with, and voila,
found the second(original of above):
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2756559/
I saw the sing stripes on the thighs, and I was proven it really is a rip. 
I'll explain:
My fursona's markings are there to mock clothes lines on the body, like arm warmers, thigh-high stockings, and a collar. 
So it's pretty easy to notice.

Just... WHY the ugly, huge raptor feet?
If you're going to rip our characters, at least try to improve things, not make huge deformities on them.

I always thought it would take years before Zer's art rips started digging into my side of the furry art community. 
But then I seen that god-awful Woogle imitation rip and thought I'd prepare myself.
It was only a matter of time.

OMG I'm so butthurt, right? LOL. 
Ugly mixture of our fursonas... with huge, ugly raptor feet. 

This is just...
Wow, that's some stupid looking shit right there.

Why is it
I sketch tons of pics in open canvas
And the only thing I like out of all of it is some stupid little doodle I don't even plan on finishing?

Well I'm going to Southwestern Medical tomorrow, I should get some sleep now.

Someone sold Belch a lemon



He really likes the sombrero.







This is probably one of the most amusing things for me to do.


Right now I'm trying to figure how I can photoshop Bowser in a cubicle answering a phone.

Posting just because I'm sick of looking at that same entry I have posted from long ago.

You guys want a cap of what I've been doing lately?

Pretty much this:




So I'm still keeping up with you guys I'm making some gift doodles, I'm gonna just post as a dump to dA.


Well I FINALLY got my state ID in the mail and I have my paypal debit card. /sigh.
So bored though.

Reading Ghost's Paper on Homophobia
Very good read.


I just wanted to add though, within the past few months, I've become very aware of how terrible gender roles themselves are.
I've been reading quite a few Psychology books and researching gender roles and it's becoming more and more apparent of how much a problem it is. The expectation, the prohibition, etc.

It makes me feel very insignificant, being a woman, and to add, I'm not feminine, I'm loud, I'm over-opinionated, over assertive, stubborn, blunt, emotionally apathetic, prefer logic and intellect over emotion, very mechanically inclined, and other traits that don't suit a "traditional" woman.
I actually HAVE an abnormal amount of testerone(likely from chemical imbalance in my body, etc), not major, but significantly higher.
And I'm also a lesbian.





It's tough just to be yourself these days

 I wake up and the first thing I do is get on the computer and check dA, and reply to replies.
Then I thinks.

I had a dream I was in this town at night and had a really long lasting pack of camel smokes.
I don't even smoke camels. But listen.
I was also driving a car and putting money in the bank, so the dream got even more unrealistic.
Then I saw a bunch of people I didn't know, was walking down the street around where I used to live in pleasant grove and it was sun-setty, like time was going backwards, and there was a riot going on.
And then Heather started to fondle my boobs so I woke up and now I'll never know how the dream ended.

I am craving raviolis like crazy, and I wonder if this week will go smoothlly.
I think so:
I'm losing weight, feeling a little better about myself, and losing it in a good way this time, I didn't just stop eating.
My appetite has died down a lot lately, sometimes I'll just eat one big meal a day and my stomach is fine with it, other days I'm constantly snacking, but am aware I'm not eating as much as I used to
I'm down to 170 lbs flat! :D
I used to weight like... almost 207 lbs.
I should weight about 120-130, a healthy weight for my height.
Losing 50 is gonna be hard, I think but it'll be fine, and it's gonna take a long time anyway!

I need to make icons. OR RECEIVE ICONS IN A GIFT LIKE FASHION, AHEM.




Oh..
I bet Eliese will fucking LOVE this song, I wanna draw something to it for her. ;]

 Hi guys I'm alive.

I'm sure you're all sick of me coming and going here.
I think I'm coming back for the communities, mostly, and to see how you guys are doing.

Notmuchtosayotherthanthat.

I use dA too much for everything.

Hey buddies, what's new?

I'm being lazy and need to go look for ways to get commissioned.
But I need coffee right now.

How are you guys doing?

Since I haven't posted here in so long, a minor update of my life things:

- not much
- I have ove 90% of the symptoms of lyme disease: http://www.lymediseaseassociation.org/SymptomList.doc
- no money to go to the doctor
- NO JOB STILL
- no interviews, no call backs, and when I call they say they'll "be calling people for interviews" even when I ask
- But Matt's trying to get me a job where he works
- My parents are being sued by credit card companies


But let's not focus on this
My cousin wants me to come over her place for the holidays, I'm excited because really, I've always just hated the holidays. If I post why, I'll feel like this is just some depressing rant, but basically, I'm looking forward to having and untraditional christmas.
My stocking is filled with the joys of mini-vodka
and the holiday dinner's starting with finger foods, awesome. :D

I really just wanted to know what's new with everyone, new sites to visit and such.

Oh yeah, as some of you may know, Electric Stars has been down for a while, but I have a new board Crooked System and looking for members and hopefully some more staff:
http://oekakiart.com/crookedsystem
So go there and draw and get the place being active again.

I'm also using FA again, but I'm not using it to comment... unless it's stuff not already on dA.
Umm, what else?
I forget.

HIIII EVERYBODY. 

 I GOTTA TEGAKI E, GUYS
http://www.unowen.net/tegaki/uentries.php?u=12729

I've had it for a while, but don't like linking to a gallery when there's nothing there.

Post links to yours here an' stuff. Plz.

Okay, at first I didn't think the whole random YouTube video in place of your avatar April Fool's joke on Tegaki was all that funny.
But I had totally forgotten about it, went to my page and it was the old school Power Rangers intro video.
I think I laughed until I was sore. Ouch.

Ugh. Guys, I need SAI.

People need to be sending me music reccomendations like NOW
This is why I wish everyone had a last.fm account

I need new music; I'm burning myself out on every Razed in Black and VAST song ever made(But I'll always love them).

C'mon guys.

I have AIM now peoples







Idgit! To be sending me some opencanvas now?????
<3

Yay I forgot to mention before that I got Steve's postcard from Russia. It's awesome it a beautiful photo and he actually wrote a nice paragraph for me. It really cheered me up. And I realized how awesome it is to have something so simple yet cultural in your hands. Even the Russian stamps were awesome--I dunno I really liked it.
Also, Ainsley I got your stickers yesterday! :D Heather stole 2 of them though @_@ She was like "This is some crappy band?" And I was all :| "It's my friend's art site" So she took one and put it on her shirt then she took one later for no reason after I asked her not to.
But still, I will post these in the mall, bookstore and comic place when I can, and probably places when I get to Missouri if I haven't used them all :D Also the envelope they came in made me smile, 'cause I'm weird. I was all "NEAT ENVELOPE!!" -Que Zelda 3 treasure box open sound-

In conclusion, I love getting mail from friends.
It makes me feel important.